Thursday, April 26, 2012

From The Mayo Clinic ....


Illustration comparing tumor sizes

Tumor size

One piece of information that helps determine your breast cancer stage is the size of the tumor in your breast. Doctors measure tumors in centimeters (cm). It might help to think of everyday objects as you visualize the size of your cancer. For instance, early-stage tumors may be no more than 2 cm, or about 3/4 inch, in diameter — about the size of a pea or a shelled peanut. 

The surgeon said my tumor was too large to safely remove.  Said it was the size of a baseball.  An official MLB baseball's circumference is not less than 9 inches and no more than 9 1/4 inches, or converting 9 inches would equal about 22.9 centimeters (1" = 2.54 centimeters or, 9 inches multiplied by 2.54 = 22.9 centimeters.)  That's pretty big, no wonder it didn't make it onto the above chart.  I imagine it's also a pretty rare size.  Leave it to me to be different.



Illustration of cancer spreading from breast to lung and liver

Stage IV breast cancer

Stage IV is the most advanced form of breast cancer. At this stage, breast cancer cells have spread to other areas of your body. Breast cancer most often spreads to the bones, brain, liver and lungs. Stage IV breast cancer is also called metastatic breast cancer.

Since they don't pertain to me, I'm bypassing the other stages.  I encourage everyone to check it out, though.  It's good to be informed.  My oncologist warned me to be careful of what I read on the internet.  The Mayo Clinic is one source she recommended.

Anyway, my cancer is spread all over the place.  First of all, one of the first things I've learned that if they find cancer in your hip bone - that cancer is breast cancer, not bone cancer.  If it's found in your lungs, it's still breast cancer, not lung cancer.  I'm sorry to say I have breast cancer in my hip & my lungs & a whole bunch of other places & bones.  My liver, though, is breast cancer free!  Woo Hoo!  Let's bake a cake!

That's it for now.  


 
Dietitian's tip: Mashed bananas and cooked oats help keep these pancakes moist and flavorful. If you don't like syrup, warm some sliced bananas in a frying pan with a small amount of butter or oil and spoon them on top.
By Mayo Clinic staff
Serves 6

Ingredients

    • 1/2 cup maple syrup
    • 1/2 cinnamon stick
    • 3 whole cloves
    • 1/2 cup old-fashioned rolled oats
    • 1 cup water
    • 2 tablespoons firmly packed light brown sugar
    • 2 tablespoons canola oil
    • 1/2 cup whole-wheat (whole-meal) flour
    • 1/2 cup all-purpose (plain) flour
    • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
    • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
    • 1/4 teaspoon salt
    • 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
    • 1/2 cup 1 percent low-fat milk
    • 1/4 cup fat-free plain yogurt
    • 1 banana, peeled and mashed
    • 1 egg, lightly beaten

Directions

In a small saucepan, combine the maple syrup, cinnamon stick and cloves. Place over medium heat and bring to a boil. Remove from heat and let steep for 15 minutes. Remove the cinnamon stick and cloves with a slotted spoon. Set the syrup aside and keep warm.
In a large microwave-safe bowl, combine the oats and water. Microwave on high until the oats are creamy and tender, about 3 minutes. Stir in the brown sugar and canola oil. Set aside to cool slightly. 

In a bowl, combine the flours, baking powder, baking soda, salt and ground cinnamon. Whisk to blend. 

Add the milk, yogurt and banana to the oats and stir until well blended. Beat in the egg. Add the flour mixture to the oat mixture and stir just until moistened.

Place a nonstick frying pan or griddle over medium heat. When a drop of water sizzles as it hits the pan, spoon 1/4 cup pancake batter into the pan. Cook until the top surface of the pancake is covered with bubbles and the edges are lightly browned, about 2 minutes. Turn and cook until the bottom is well browned and the pancake is cooked through, 1 to 2 minutes longer. Repeat with the remaining pancake batter.

Place the pancakes on warmed individual plates. Drizzle with the warm syrup and serve immediately.

Nutritional analysis per serving

Serving size: 3 pancakes
Calories271 Sodium243 mg
Total fat7 g Total carbohydrate49 g
Saturated fat1 g Dietary fiber3 g
Monounsaturated fat4 g Protein6 g
Cholesterol32 mg
 


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

8 Months 'til Christmas ...


Still have plenty of time to prepare while the Big Guy sits around soaking the sun!





Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I was just thinking ...

It's a given that any of us could die at any moment.  As I sit here, an errant meteorite could strike me dead before I finish typing this sentence.  

Well, ta-da! Still here ....

I suppose I'm in what may be called a strangely delicate position.  Delicate?  An unusual word to use, I guess, but I'll settle with the word delicate seeing that whatever my health's outcome, it will affect, and is affecting the tender area of my son's heart.  This saddens me. No, it breaks my heart.  No mother wants her child to experience pain or heartbreak.  He and I are especially close.  We are very good friends.  I trust him & he trusts me.  It's important and wonderful to know that he is marrying someone he loves & who loves him back.  Ok, I'm tearing up now.  


I know he's going to read this.  He & I discussed not too long ago that honesty is very hard to express.  We discussed this blog & how difficult it is to be honest & not also be a downer.  So, being truthful in this blog is difficult.  Difficult because I want to shield others from pain or worry.  

Anyway ...

I just wanted to write about the scrambled thoughts that are running through my mind which is this: 

My medical treatment can -
  • continue to work, or it 
  • can continue to work but destroy my quality of life, or it 
  • could stop working anytime 
It's all fate ...

At present, the second option above is what I'm dealing with.  But, I could live 5 more years or I could die in 5 months. I could survive my cancer, or die from it.  The meteorite could miss me or make a direct hit.



Despite the pain, and other horrible side effects, I understand I am in a good place right now.  I understand that it could be much worse.  And it is that understanding that troubles me the most.  

It's knowing ...

that I will eventually end up in a sickly state.  I don't want that.  Just like how I worried about chemotherapy, I dread this aspect and it is why I'm feeling that Doom Monster.  I hate feeling that pit in my tummy.  But it's there.  I can't shoo it away - though I do try.  It's just there & when it crosses my mind, it causes me tremendous anxiety.  Anxiety is not fun.
Now you see why I stopped blogging for a while.  But I promised to be honest.  So, here it is.

Eventually I'll come to grips with this.  I'll work through the anxiety and I'll probably stop worrying about losing the good place I am in right now.  I just hope it's not because I've advanced to a worse place!  Ouch!  I don't think any of us likes losing control of our own life.

That's all ...  

And please, I'm not depressed.  I feel pretty good.  Really, I do.


Monday, April 23, 2012

Thank you President Johnson ...

I am very thankful for Medicare.  If it weren't for Medicare I would not be receiving medical treatment for my cancer.  If I had my way, everyone in America would be eligible for Medicare.  

My son has health insurance through his employer.  He has an insane 5000 dollar deductible.  Does anyone know what that means?  It means that each paycheck he's paying to the health insurance industry a premium on insurance that he will never be able to use.  

Think about that 5000 dollar deductible.  Sadly, it's a legal scam.  It is designed to make money for the industry but it's not affordable to provide the simplest or preventative health care to keep him healthy.

Anyway, I am thankful for my coverage, & wish others were able to have it , as well.  

My cancer drug that I take daily for life - retails at 458.99 for a 30 tablet supply.  I paid $9.00.  Other medications are similar, but just not as expensive.  One retails at 204.77, but again, I paid $9.00. 

Thanks to President Obama and the Affordable Care Act, I won't fall into that doughnut hole trap - which would jeopardize my health, because there is absolutely no way I could afford even a partial months supply on my own.



This week ...

What's on the agenda?  


Today I see Dr. Handsome Podiatrist.  It'll be a pleasure to have him touch my footsies. Ok, that does sound weird.  lol, but I think I can be weird once in a while, even if I do embarrass myself.

Then Friday ...


I've a visit at the county's Dental Clinic for an exam & Xrays & hopefully on my way toward solving my dental issues which will enable me to begin Bisphosphonate Infusion Therapy.  Finger's are crossed & my nerves are a wreck on that one.



I found some info on Bisphosphonate therapy that I'll post later this week.  I'm hoping it'll help us understand exactly what it's for and/or how it works.  I'll be honest, this scares the shit out of me.  Pardon my french.  Just Google 'Bisphosphonate Infusion Therapy' & click on Google Images.  Just looking at that, is absolutely frightening.  I can actually feel my blood pressure rise just thinking about it.  


Today's weather ...

... is a cool & beautifully sunny day today.  Current temp is 49, with north winds 22 mph with gust to 35 mph.  It'll be nice getting outside & enjoying the day.  I could live like this year round.

I'm wondering ...

... if it takes other bloggers as long to write their blog as it does me to write mine.  

And ...

...with all the insulting ideas, memes & legislation that the fringe-conservative pundits, politicians & law makers are prescribing for women these days.  I offer this:


Edit ...


forgot to mention the most important event of the day .... it's patty melt time!  Yup, son & I are going out to eat after the doc's visit, & guess what I'm having?  That patty melt I've been salivating over.  Woo! Hoo!  It may not be the best food for you, but it's some of the best for your soul.  It's also the little things in life that are important, too.


Sunday, April 15, 2012

Stages of Grief ....

I don't want to write about grief & it's stages.  Honestly, if it's about yourself, then who would?  It's just too sad.  Who wants to be sad?  Not me, & I don't want anyone to be sad about me either.  I think we should all go out for a patty melt & a Tiger game.  Mmmm, patty melt ...

Last night while writing that long post on what's what with my cancer, I had a revelation.  I wrote:

When the doctor said it was incurable & that I'd have to take medication the rest of my life, I didn't think that was such a bad thing.  I suppose I wanted it to be like a really bad case of toe fungus or maybe like thyroid disease that would require years & years of oral medications.  You couldn't cure it, but you could manage it.
That's it in a nutshell.  That's what I thought back then.  You couldn't cure it, but you could manage it.
OMG!  A revelation!  That is how I thought of it!  This was a case similar to thyroid disease to be treated with a lifelong pill.  I just broke my own heart, because it's simply not true.

Protect me from myself :) ....

I guess I've been in a self-protection mode; or, & I know this might sound silly, but interesting things just don't happen to me.  I've enjoyed leading a quiet & dull life ( at least compared with others).  So if interesting things don't usually happen to me, then why should I believe it when it does.  You have to admit, a wild case of metastasized breast cancer is interesting, & would be exciting, too, if it weren't so bad for you.  Just the word metastasized is cool.  I just need to learn how to spell it correctly. 

So anyway, I guess for whatever reason or excuse I can come up with, I've been in some sort of denial.


I've been looking at websites about the grief stages, & they are as follows:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression or sadness
  • Acceptance
I haven't read much about this, & I'm not so sure I'm going to delve into this much further.

I'm not angry ...

I don't feel anger and I don't feel like bargaining.  I"m more puzzled & I do feel sad.  Maybe I'm depressed too, although I do feel pretty chipper.  

Last week after learning I needed to have Bisphosphonate Infusion Therapy, & knowing I can't unless my dental problems are solved - and knowing this is an expense that is probably an impossible endeavor - well, it's put a knot in my stomach that spells doom.  

These are horrible emotions to feel, so I'm trying to vanish them.  

Well, that's it for now ....  

I made a vegetable beef soup for dinner today.  We didn't have much in the house to put in it, so I'm calling it a pot luck soup.  I'd rather have a patty melt.  Mmmm ....
I'm happy the Tigers beat the White Sox, & I had a pleasant afternoon watching them do it!

Good grief, this is my third post in less than 24 hours!
My friend Jack

Decorah Eagles & a Stormy Night ....

I've been tracking the weather today as the storms were, and still are, rolling around the country.  I was just reading an AP story online where a town in western Iowa was severely damaged by a possible tornado that touched down earlier this evening.    

I've been hovering over the computer screen watching the Decorah (Iowa) Eagle family tonight as the lightening flashes & the thunder rolls & the rain plunders down.  

The babies feathers are in transition, going from their natal down to their thermal down.  Between 2 & 3 weeks the Eaglets can thermoregulate, meaning their parents won't need to take the extra special precautions in keeping them warm.   Right now, the eldest, D12 is 18 days, D13 is 17 days & the baby D14 is 14 days old.  So, I figure they are in transition between their down feathers.

This last week we had some sad news where Eaglets in Colorado died from exposure when their parents couldn't keep them dry during a violent thunderstorm.  This is always horrible news to hear.  So, after knowing what happened the other night in Colorado, I'm sitting here all worried, & I know my fellow cam watchers are just as bad as me.  We all care for our little Eees & their parents.  

Right now Dad is hovering over his babies, while his beak is digging deeper into the nest for to give them added protection.  Mom's not too far away, & frankly I'm surprised it's dad on the nest & not her.  Mom usually has the night shift.  Anyway, she's not far & is probably sitting on a nearby branch in their cottonwood tree.  I just wish she'd come onto the nest & help dad keep the young one's safe & dry.  Right now, Mom & Dad are talking,

I was figuring the other day that they ranged about 8 inches tall, but their Raptor Resource site thinks they are now about a foot from beak to tail & they should weigh about 3-4 pounds.   Considering their size times 3 of them, that's a lot of protecting Dad has to do tonight.
This pic was taken the other day & they've grown by leaps & bounds since then! 

Oh my goodness.  They have an intruder!  Both of them are in the nest now.  They are carrying on something fierce & loudly.  Wings spread out & flapping.  Can you imagine what that might look like?  7.5 feet of wing-span!   Holy cow!  I wouldn't mess with them.  With those huge & very strong talons?  I wouldn't hang around.  At night, they tend to have problems with either a hungry owl or a nosy raccoon.  I tell you what, if I were a baby bird, I'd want these two to be my parents.  

I get a kick out of dad.  He doesn't like to be annoyed.  Flies annoy him & so do noisy black birds.  He got so ticked off with a black bird a couple of weeks ago, he momentarily left the nest & brought that bird back home for a visit.  It was dinner.

Well, the rain has stopped, at least for now, but it is still very windy, & you can see flashes of lightening off in the distance.  Time to turn the volume down & say good night.

Good night my little Eees.

Wait a minute, I've been watching this family for 3 years, & this is the first time I've ever seen the nest sway back & forth.  They are minor sways, considering. Either it's the nest,  or it's the camera.  (When I say nest, I mean tree branch). This nest weighs nearly a ton, wedged 80 feet up in a sturdy cottonwood tree.  

Good night, Eagles.   

Update:  Another BIG storm is rolling through.  The thunder is crashing immediately after lightening strikes. Dad even flinched after a couple of thunder crashes.  Ice pellets are now hitting dad as he protects his children.  I'll be sitting up watching my little family struggle, and wish the storm & heavy winds to go away.

 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

I have to admit ....

When it comes to this blog, I am a procrastinator.  As I've explained before, I have this thing about talking about myself.  One excuse - I've never liked being the center of attention, and the other is I'm too critical of my writing that when I do write, I end up erasing, rewriting, re-erasing, so on and so forth.  I guess you could say I'm a self-defeater.  But then I guess I could also say that I'm not living up to my end of my adventure by blogging whatever experiences I've been experiencing.  So, here I am, once again, beginning my post with a disclaimer or excuse of why I'm a bad blogger.  
 (Love this little guy)  

Before I go on, I truly do have to apologize & thank all of you who have privately written, asking how I'm doing & offering wonderful words of encouragement.  I've not been a good friend.  I mean to respond back to you, it's just that time gets away from me.  I have good intentions, but I never know what to say because I don't want to come off as a chronic complainer, and I don't want to lie either. 

Many, many heartfelt thanks & my sincere apologies for being neglectful.  Just know, though, that you remembering me does lift my spirits, and I am very thankful for that. 

 
Good news for me ...
 
I had CT Scan recently to see if the cancer drug was working. It's been about 6 months since I began therapy, so I was pretty anxious to know what was up.  It was good to hear that the drug does seem to be working & it seems to be stopping it from running amok inside my body!  YAY! Wonderful news! 

A quick catch up ... 

The tumor in the right breast itself was the size of a baseball.  From this recent scan, the doctors can't tell how much of this 'baseball' has shrunk, or even what size it is today.  I can't help thinking that if I had better insurance or was flush with money we could do another scan to pin point it in more detail.  But, I only have Medicare, for which I am grateful.  I won't complain too loudly.

As a matter of fact, I can't write anything further until I plead with all of you to keep a vigilant eye on Congress.  Don't let them ruin Medicare or Social Security.  There's plenty of good information out there, just don't fall for propaganda.

From my earlier postings, you might remember how I didn't initially understand how far advanced my cancer is.  Funny how things work in your mind.  Some kind of denial, I suppose.  

When the doctor said it was incurable & that I'd have to take medication the rest of my life, I didn't think that was such a bad thing.  I suppose I wanted it to be like a really bad case of toe fungus or maybe like thyroid disease that would require years & years of oral medications.  You couldn't cure it, but you could manage it.

That's it in a nutshell.  That's what I thought back then.  You couldn't cure it, but you could manage it.

OMG!  A revelation!  That is how I thought of it!  This was a case similar to thyroid disease to be treated with a lifelong pill.  I just broke my own heart, because it's simply not true.
 
Last week, I learned from my oncologist that the breast cancer was spread throughout my body more than I initially realized.  It's in both lungs, well, hell, it seems to be everywhere, including in my bones.  But, the cancer medication is doing it's thing, & it's slowed the cancer progression - for which I am extremely grateful.  YAY!

BUT .... 

The drug is coming at a cost to my bones.  To quote a paper my doctor gave me: 
The spread of cancer cells from the primary tumor to the bones (bone metastasis) is a common complication.
The CT Scan showed many dark holes & splotches in my bones.  The doctor has said to be very careful in my daily life & to avoid bone stress, including using the stairs.

I've lost a quarter inch in height since last fall. <sigh>

Pain ....  

My joints are locking - under the arms, fingers & wrists joints, shoulders, hip, etc.  I explained to the doctor it's like someone pouring cement into my joints.  Ewww, what a horrible thought.  My hands are getting bad.  This past week, it's gotten to where lifting a regular size coffee cup with my right hand is almost impossible.  I wear arthritis gloves, & I also massage my hands with lotion, both seem to help a bit.

Because of hip pain, I wasn't getting much sleep, so about a month ago, the kids moved my recliner into my bedroom.  Now, the pain doesn't wake me, & I am sleeping much better.  I do miss curling up in bed, though. 

Besides the pain, are my infamous hot flashes.  

Oh, they are terrible.  I dread warm weather.  Then there's now the nausea.  Fleeting waves of nausea.  
Bisphosphonate Infusion Therapy

My Oncologist wants me to undergo Bisphosphonate Infusion Therapy to help rebuild the bone that is healing from the metastases.  The bones are weak, and have holes in them.  She mailed me info on this therapy; this is what it says:

Bisphosphonate Infusion Therapy is used to treat hypercalcemia, which occurs when cancer cells break down bone & release calcium into the bloodstream.  The spread of cancer cells from the primary tumor (breast) to the bones (bone metastasis) is a common complication.  Bisphosphonates targets cancer cells that have invaded the bone.  It stops these cancer cells from breaking down & weakening the bone & also prevents the abnormal bone growth, which occurs when cancer cells invade the bone.  These new areas of abnormal bone are weak, can break easily, and can cause pain for many patients.  Because it stops cancer cells from breaking down bone, less calcium from the bones goes into the blood stream & blood levels of calcium are prevented from getting too high (hypercalcemia).

Benefits:  reduces bone pain, slows down bone damage caused by cancer, lowers the risk of bone fractures, and reduces hypercalcemia.

Precautions 'before' therapy ....

Because of cases of osteonecrosis of the jaw - it can cause major problems with the jaw bone, it's strongly recommended that all dental work be done before hand.  This is serious.

When I read all this.  I cried.  For the first time, since diagnosed, I cried.  I cried out of fear.  I cried because I feel like the end is nearing for me.  The whole cancer thing is real.  So much for this idea: You couldn't cure it, but you could manage it. 

I have huge - mega huge - dental issues.  I need them all extracted.  My mouth causes me constant pain.  Because of my teeth, I can't have Bisphosphonate Therapy.  If I can't find a way to have dental work done, I'll just have to take my chances & not break any bones.

In the meantime, there are two dental schools in Michigan.  Both downstate.  Not sure if they'd do it for free, or a small fee.  And, I'm not sure if my hip can handle a compact car road trip, but I'm hoping something will turn up while my bones are still in the window of getting healed.

Radiation Therapy .....

The doc also told me she's going to start me on radiation therapy.  Don't know when, though.  She said it will hopefully save my breast.

Surgery ....

Remember how the surgeon said the tumor was too large & not safe to surgical remove?  I guess that's still the case.  No surgery is even hinted anymore.  At least not at this time.

Diabetes Type I ....

Not sure if I've even mentioned this to anyone, but last November I was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes.  This makes me so mad!

Proud mom ....

My son is getting married in September.  My baby!  He's marrying a very nice girl.  They are good for each other.  They complement & they challenge each other.  That is good.


Oh, how I love this Eagle Family.  I have two monitors hooked to my computer.  One is dedicated to the live streaming of mom, dad & their 3 little eaglets.  I laugh at them, worry about them, but one thing I know, mom & dad are old pros & their little babies are in good hands.  Watch them, they're good for your blood pressure.  You can follow them on Facebook, too, if you like.

I found this ....

... the other day, & it cheered me right up.  Merry Christmas - in a few months!


If you all made it with me to the end of this - thank you for your bravery!  I'm hoping I written with clarity, & I hope I didn't bore you. 
Seriously, you should check out the Decorah Eagles.