The 26th ....

I think many of us felt like this yesterday! 
How many wanted to stay in their PJs?  

A nice foot soakin' sounds good ...

Track Santa .....

Track Santa's sleigh ride around the world.  

Thanks NORAD!  

Love you Santa!

Merry Christmas!

I'm Dreaming ....

.... of a white Christmas .... 

 

It's the wee hours of Christmas Eve, and it has started to snow! 

Finally!  

Only 3.6 inches of snow has fallen so far this winter.  This is the least snowiest season on record.  The previous record was in 1946, which by the end of that December only 9.7 inches had fallen. 

We're not going to get much.  Just enough to make it feel like Christmas, & help Santa slide in on his sleigh.

   

Below is one of my favorite songs , White Christmas.  I'm awfully partial to Bing Crosby, but this video is really cute, & me being a Motown girl, well, the Drifters do just fine.

The reindeer are cute, aren't they?

Merry Christmas!

Sung by The Drifters. Cartoon by Joshua Held. Featuring Bill Pinkney on lead bass and Clyde McPhatter on tenor.  An animated Christmas Card, and a homage to a great song, a great band, and a great Holiday.

Smell that tree ....

Walkin’ In A Doggie Wonderland

 Dog tags ring, are you listenin?
In the lane, snow is glistenin’.
It’s yellow, NOT white
I’ve been there tonight

Marking up my winter wonderland.

Smell that tree? That’s my fragrance.
It’s a sign for wand’ring vagrants.
“Avoid where I pee, it’s MY pro-per-ty!
Marked up as my winter wonderland. 

In the meadow, Mom will build a snowman,
Following the classical design.
Then I’ll lift my leg and let it go Man,
So all the world will know it’s mine-mine-mine!

Straight from me to the fencepost,
Flows my natural incense boast.
“Stay off of my TURF, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland.”

 Woof! Merry Christmas! Woof!

Robbing a Child, & Killing Their Spirit .....

I came across the below article while visiting Jane Fonda's website earlier today. Jane was on the Dr. Oz Show & it was hard for me to believe that she will be turning 74 tomorrow (12/21)! 

So, I had to Google her!

Jane is gorgeous! I should have looked like Jane when I was 20! Well, not really, but you get my drift. Jane is fit as a fiddle. She spoke of her mother's suicide when she was only 12. While writing her memoirs at age 64, she obtained her mother's medical records and found a notation that her mother was sexually abused when she was 8. This answered many questions for Jane as to "why her mother was the way she was". 

It's true when sexually abused, it's not just the body that is harmed, it is also the person as a whole. Their soul robbed of their innocence.  You just can't horrendously tinker with a vulnerable soul & think they're still whole & able to grow up undamaged.  For me, I was verbally & physically abused (not sexually), and to this very day I carry issues that I shouldn't carry.  In fact, my childhood abuse was a topic of discussion earlier today. It affects your life & those around you whether you realize it or not. That's why I've always tried not to judge people too harshly because I have no idea what shoes that person may be walking in.

Jane's mother carried her abuse all through her youth, marriage & motherhood, I don't know why she died by her own hands, but I'm certain her childhood experience had a hand in it.

Anyway, I'm getting a bit carried away here. I saw an article discussing the sexual child abuse at Penn State, and how a blind eye was afforded this monster who in turn abused even more children.  For years & years good people said & did nothing.  The article, itself, isn't that profound, but I thought I'd post the last couple of paragraphs that give parents an idea on how to protect their children.  Protect them without frightening them.

As a mom, I was very much aware who I allowed around my son. There was a family friend, a priest who traveled around the country; and a neighbor, who'd visit & wanted to date me, but seemed to take, I thought, a special interest in my son. Both of these individuals raised the hair on the back of my neck. They said or did nothing that I recall, but there was something that troubled me, & the one thing I know is to listen to my gut. I am hoping that both of those men were innocent and I that quietly over-reacted. 

 Michael Jackson

What we’ve learned from Penn State

 - snip -

The lesson of the past few weeks is speaking out. If you know of someone who is abusing a child, either physically or sexually, take action. If you see it, intervene. It you suspect it, confront them or report it. If you’re not sure about what you are seeing, contact Stop It Now at 1-888-PREVENT or www.stopitnow.org and discuss your next steps. If you hear or witness bullying, speak up against it and teach your children to do the same. Speak out against sexual harassment and take it seriously.

If you have children, “abuse-proof” them. Use Penn State and Syracuse University as a teachable moment. Make sure that the programs your children attend-scouts, soccer, school, church or synagogue-have a strong policy on keeping children safe, including screening and background checks for volunteers and employees and never being alone with children. Make sure that your child knows that most people would never hurt children, but that an older, bigger, stronger person should never touch a child’s genitals. Make sure your child knows that adults don’t ask children to be their friends or keep secrets, and that if someone makes them feel bad, funny, or uncomfortable with their touch or their words, they should tell you. Tell them that their body is wonderful, it belongs to them, and that they can say no to unwanted touch. And finally, tell them to come and tell you if someone does touch them. You may not be able to prevent the first case of abuse, but if your child is equipped with language and this information, you can prevent the second-just like the officials at Penn State could have stopped at least some of these young men from being abused.

When abuse happens, it is never a time to keep silence, but always a time to speak.

Debra Haffner  | Nov 22, 2011 7:03 PM

Adventures of the Update's Update ....

Ok, I know that title made no sense.

My GYN appointment today was canceled.  The doc was sick.  Even though I want to get this over with, I was happy not having to go.

 

I said the doc was sick ...

Vampire Tuesday

Here's something I'm really happy about, but forgot to add in my previous update:  It looks like my Vampire Tuesdays are over!  This is where I go over to the hospital each Tuesday & they drain about 500 mL of blood.  

It seems my blood levels are good, & I'm no longer in any danger.  What a relief.  My oncologist mentioned that maybe the cancer was making my body spin out of control.  Maybe, but for the time being, I have to be tested at least every two weeks to be on the safe side.

Snow 

Finally, we have a light dusting of snow.  Less than an inch.  And, baby it's cold outside!  It's presently 30 degrees out there, which ordinarily would be like a heat wave up here, but its been unseasonably warm.  This morning around 6am it was 58 degrees.  Like they say, don't blink in Michigan, the weather will change on you.

Introducing the Boobie Bloo's Boobie Snow-lady! 

Adventure Update ....

Although I have been a little motor-mouth the last couple of days, I've been remiss on keeping this blog up-to-date.  

Tumor 

The day before my last oncology appointment I wrote that I thought I had good news but I wanted confirmation from the doc.  It seemed that the cancer drug was working and that baseball size tumor was shrinking.  Good news!   My oncologist thought so too.  

The doc used her little measuring stick & it appeared smaller.  She cautioned that the tumor may have moved deeper inside.  There's no way of really knowing until the radiologist does his special ultrasound & pinpoints the marker he left inside my breast.  I think they plan on doing this 4-6 months after the start of the cancer drug treatment.  I'm nearing the end of the first  3 months.

Hot Flashes

I've been a little bit worried the drug isn't working as well because I don't seem to be having as many hot flashes.   But I am having other side effects.   I'm still trying to recover from a miserable cold & cough that hit me the week after Thanksgiving.   Funny, as I've been typing this, I've gotten 2 very hot hot flashes !  

 Diabetes

 In November I was shocked and unhappy to learn I am a diabetic.  Boy, if that isn't a life-style changer!  

 Medicine has changed over the years.  Remember the old Glucose Tolerance Test that seemed to take all day?  You fasted, drank a bottle of a sweet syrupy concoction, followed by blood levels drawn?   Nowadays they draw some blood & do a test called an Hb A1c Test.  This is a lab test that shows the average amount of sugar in your blood over 3 months.  That's a pretty cool. No muss, and no fuss.

• Hemoglobin A1c test --
  
  • Normal: Less than 5.7%
  • Pre-diabetes: 5.7% - 6.4%
  • Diabetes: 6.5% or higher

The day this test was taken I measured at 6.8%.  It was about the same when I went to my first diabetes class.

I went to the first of my two classes to learn all about diabetes and how to live with it.  I thought the class was really interesting.  They brought in a dietitian who taught us how to read food labels, and how to count carbohydrates, and how many carbs we're allowed to eat.  We learned about the meters to measure our glucose levels, and what level parameters we should strive to stay within. 

My next class is next Tuesday.  I'm looking forward to it.  My meter is in the mail & should be here any day.  Oh, boy, a new toy!  

Diet

Because of the cancer, I had already changed my diet.  The family & I agreed that all of us would benefit in eating smart and balanced foods.  We had a sit-down meeting about how we were going to do this, and that it would be a family affair.  

Before learning I am a diabetic, I had solace that I could cheat every now and then.  Now, however, that's not even an option, & that ticked me off.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I love potatoes.  I can't live without potatoes, & I refuse to go without potatoes!  Luckily for me, I can still eat potato, just not in the quantities I think I deserve!  LOL

 Family

The kids have told me they want to do all they can to help me stay alive.  Those are wonderful words to hear.  I admit I wonder about what next Christmas might or might not be like.  Makes me sad, not that I'm afraid of dying, I don't think I am.  It's just that I don't want to die.  Anyway, I'll do what I personally can do, pray the meds will continue to work & shrink that dang tumor & keep the cancer from spreading beyond the breast & lungs. 

This afternoon I have an appointment w/ the GYN to set me up for a biopsy.  Been having sporadic post-menopausal bleeding, so doc wants to rule out cancer.  The GYN I'm seeing is my oncologists' GYN.  That's reassuring, I think.

Well, that's it for now.  Hope I wrote this well enough where it's understandable.  Ol' motor-mouth me, eh?

10 Days Until Christmas Eve .....

You know what that means ....

 Santa & his bodyguards will be making their midnight rounds that very night ....

To bring us treasures worth their weight in gold .....

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Happy Holidays!

Take the Breast Cancer Quiz ....

 

Breast Cancer Quiz: Test Your Medical IQ

Click the above link for the quiz to test your knowledge.  Don't worry, if you miss any questions, it'll give you the answers as you progress.  

I got a 100%, but only because I cheated!  Had I taken this a few months ago, my score would have spelled  You'veGotALotToLearn!  

 

Life-Saving Meds vs Side-Effects ....

From BBC News ...
Breast cancer patients 'stop drugs' due to side-effects
 
9 December 2011 Last updated at 15:30 ET
 

About a third of breast cancer patients stop taking medication because side-effects are more severe than they expect, US researchers suggest.

The Northwestern University team questioned 686 women who were taking aromatase inhibitors as treatment for oestrogen-sensitive breast cancer.  It found 36% stopped their medication because of symptoms such as joint pain, hot flushes, weight gain and nausea.

- snip -

Aromatase inhibitors are given to postmenopausal breast cancer patients to reduce the level of oestrogen in those whose tumours were fuelled by the hormone.  About two-thirds of breast cancers are oestrogen-sensitive, and aromatase inhibitors have been shown to reduce the risk of cancer recurring. 

Information gap

 

Patients in the Northwestern University study filled out a 46-question survey rating their quality of life and symptoms associated with breast cancer and treatment.  They were asked about their symptoms before treatment and at three, six, 12 and 24 months after starting treatment. 

After three months, a third of women had severe joint pain, 28% had hot flushes and 24% had decreased libido among a range of symptoms.  The longer women were being treated, the more reported side-effects.

Those at highest risk of stopping before the recommended five years were those still experiencing side-effects from chemo or radiotherapy.  As a result of the side effects, 10% of the women had stopped taking the drug within two years. A further 26% had stopped by four years.

- More at the above link - 

Hot Flashes

I've already written here on my blog about the hot flashes.  They can be pretty severe; far worse than my menopausal hot flashes.  Luckily, it's cold outside & I keep a nice size crack in the window.  The kids come into my room & complain about the cold.  Once in a while I feel the cold & am amazed at my tolerance level for it.  I don't know how I'll handle the heat & humidity of next summer.   It does worry me.  Yet, something else worries me.  It seems the hot flashes are less frequent.  The doc says having them is a sign the drug is working; I'm petrified having less frequent hot flashes means the drug isn't as effective.

Pain

 

I was in an accident about 10 years ago that left me in constant pain.  I decided to stop taking the narcotics & just use Ibuprofen & Baclofen (for spasms).  All this accomplished was drastic weight gain, & becoming immobile.  I could not function due to the pain.  I had a stool in the kitchen just so I could sit to cook, do dishes, or even to make a cup of coffee.  After walking a few feet, I'd double over in pain.  Literally - and worse than this cartoon lady.  

Well, I am back on Vicoden, and can now function with limits.  I think there are those who make people like me feel uncomfortable about taking narcotics, but they are available for a reason, & if you need it, then you should take it.  Don't ruin your quality of life over some perceived guilt of addiction.  

My oncologist prescribed an aromatase inhibitor for my treatment of estrogen-sensitive breast cancer.  Remember I am post-menopausal, & have metastatic breast cancer.  The surgeon can't safely remove my baseball size tumor, & since my cancer is incurable, the doc canceled the originally prescribed chemotherapy & started me on Arimedex  (Anastrozole).

Today I take my 77th dose of Arimedex (yea, I keep track of each tablet, just so I don't forget to take this tiny life saving pill!) .  Besides those horrible hot flashes, I am in a lot of pain.  Lots of throbbing joint pain.  Even with Ibuprofen & Vicoden!  If I was feeling terrible pain while taking Vicoden, then good grief, how bad is this pain?  It's pretty bad.  I increased my Vicoden which helped.  My primary care physician increased my monthly quantity, as well as increasing the prescription to extra strength.  It has helped.  I also am making sure I take the Baclofen on a regular basis, & that seems to help, too.

Education

It seems to me that oncologists need to listen to their patients, & offer the pain medications if their patient's are suffering.  This drug is a life saving medication.  Which is worse?  A possible addiction or death?  My primary care doc understood.  She & my oncologist said pain was the primary complaint with this drug.

Maybe, too, an explanation on what to expect from this drug should be a part of the patient's treatment.  For me, a cold pack on the back of my neck helps, along with chewing on ice chips, and of course the nice crack in the wintery window.

So ...

 

My latest issue are the hives.  I'm not sure if it's the drug or something else, but the hives are itchy, in various places, and it's no fun!  

Anyway, the above article saddens me.  I don't know if the women who stopped taking their medication had other options; I sure hope so.  I can't imagine stopping a life-saving medication when the other drugs out there can be just as bad, if not worse.  

Hugs to all of us doing our best to stay alive.

Cure for those dang HOT flashes ....

Somewhere in this video is a crabby HOT flash cure ...

I love Maxine ....

No snow on the ground to try this one out, so, I'll continue to suck on ice, hoping to cool down from these horribly hot hot flashes.  Sometimes I get so hot, I get sick to my stomach & a brief head ache - similar to being over-heated working outside on a hot & humid summer day.

I see my oncologist today, and I'm excited because I think I have some good news!  I promise to report back later today about it.

Hoping everyone had a great Thanksgiving.  We drove over to Alpena, Lake Michigan (Thunder Bay)  side of the state, at a hunting lodge, deep inside the forest.  It was a beautiful day, and our Thanksgiving even more so.  We also adopted a baby tiger kitty, named Oscar.  He is tiny and fearless and very loving.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, scares this baby!   

My adventure continues ...

I have a confession to make.  I've never really paid much attention to breast cancer.  As a woman, I'm sorry to admit my avoidance toward being more aware.  I wasn't entirely ignorant, and I did/do care.  I just didn't understand it as well as my contemporaries.   

When I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, my friends instantly understood the degree of trouble I was in before I did.  

I didn't expect to start chemotherapy so soon after diagnosis, but the surgeon determined the tumor, about the size of a baseball, was too large to safely remove. even as a mastectomy.  He recommended neoadjuvant therapy to hopefully shrink the tumor so later he could safely remove the breast, or better yet, just remove the tumor.

I had to immediately psyche and prepare myself to accept that dreaded toxic medication to be pumped into my veins.  If it meant a cure & a longer life, I was willing to hang my head over the toilet, nauseously puking my ever lovin' brains out.   I so dreaded and so feared the chemo, the sick stomach & the vomiting.  I cannot articulate how much all this troubled and scared me.  

So here I was, all prepared for my first bout of chemo and figuring I'd be bald by Halloween. I ordered headscarves and knitted caps for my future bald head from eBay.  My friend,  Terri, joked and encouraged me to be either lollipop'd Kojak;  Sinead O'Conner;  kick-ass Natalie Portman (V for Vendetta); or get my ass kicked & be Charlie Brown.  I was on my adventure, and the first stop was Halloween.

The day before my first chemo appointment, my oncologist  canceled the chemo & said we needed to talk.  She had the results from the Bone Scan & CT Scan that were performed just a few days before.

This is where everything went off the rails for me.  My doctor explained the cancer isn't just confined to the breast, but has traveled to my lungs.    It had metastasized.  It is incurable.  This changes everything, I'm told.  The chemotherapy is out - for now, but there is a drug that I will have to take the rest of my life.  This drug is used only in post-menopausal women, & it should shrink the tumor.

My reaction?  I wanted to shout "Yippee!"  No chemo for me!  No tummy aches! No vomiting over the toilet!  I remember the funny look the doctor had when I said this was a blessing in disguise.  Pills over chemo.  Yep, that was good news to me.

It wasn't until the drive home that it began to hit me, though, to be honest, it took longer than that to believe it.  

I am dying, and there's no cure.  My doctor told me during my last visit that she doesn't know how long I have.  She told me of a patient of hers that is 70 who asked her recently, as well, and the only answer the doc says she can give, is when the drugs stop working.

I'm not so sure why I wrote all this, most of it has already been blogged.  It could be that I'm trying to get a better grasp.  Right now I feel like I'm cheating, even though I'm not.  I know I am very sick, but refuse to accept it.  There is a difference between being positive and refusing reality.  I'm not so sure where I'm at, and to tell the truth, I'm not so sure I have to know. 

I recently blogged that I believe the tumor is shrinking.  I think that is wonderful news.  I'm hoping it's shrinking the cancer that spread into my lungs, too.  

There seems to be some good news on my cancer drug, anastrozole, (Arimidex). 

I confessed at the beginning of this post my ignorance to breast cancer.   But there's a lot of information out there on the web.  My doctor told me to be wary of what I read; and that she felt comfortable if I stuck with the Mayo Clinic and the National Cancer Institute. Below, from the National Cancer Institute I thought I'd add information on a couple of the tests one may need after the initial diagnosis.  I've included only one stage, and that is Stage IV.

Don't get me started about the hot hot flashes.  Oy ...

Staging

If the biopsy shows that you have breast cancer, your doctor needs to learn the extent (stage) of the disease to help you choose the best treatment. The stage is based on the size of the cancer, whether the cancer has invaded nearby tissues, and whether the cancer has spread to other parts of the body.

Staging may involve blood tests and other tests:

• Bone scan: The doctor injects a small amount of a radioactive substance into a blood vessel. It travels through the bloodstream and collects in the bones. A machine called a scanner detects and measures the radiation. The scanner makes pictures of the bones. The pictures may show cancer that has spread to the bones.
• CT scan: Doctors sometimes use CT scans to look for breast cancer that has spread to the liver or lungs. An x-ray machine linked to a computer takes a series of detailed pictures of your chest or abdomen. You may receive contrast material by injection into a blood vessel in your arm or hand. The contrast material makes abnormal areas easier to see.
• Lymph node biopsy: The stage often is not known until after surgery to remove the tumor in your breast and one or more lymph nodes under your arm. Surgeons use a method called sentinel lymph node biopsy

These tests can show whether the cancer has spread and, if so, to what parts of your body. When breast cancer spreads, cancer cells are often found in lymph nodes under the arm (axillary lymph nodes). Also, breast cancer can spread to almost any other part of the body, such as the bones, liver, lungs, and brain.

When breast cancer spreads from its original place to another part of the body, the new tumor has the same kind of abnormal cells and the same name as the primary (original) tumor. For example, if breast cancer spreads to the bones, the cancer cells in the bones are actually breast cancer cells. The disease is metastatic breast cancer, not bone cancer. For that reason, it is treated as breast cancer, not bone cancer. Doctors call the new tumor "distant" or metastatic disease.

• Stage IV is distant metastatic cancer. The cancer has spread to other parts of the body, such as the bones or liver.
• Recurrent cancer is cancer that has come back after a period of time when it could not be detected. Even when the cancer seems to be completely destroyed, the disease sometimes returns because undetected cancer cells remained somewhere in your body after treatment. It may return in the breast or chest wall. Or it may return in any other part of the body, such as the bones, liver, lungs, or brain.

Hot Flashes ...

Where to start?   My last post I was looking forward to my Oncologist appointment because I wanted the doc to agree that my baseball size tumor was shrinking.

But first things first, since beginning my cancer medication (9/27), I've been having a lot of very hot hot flashes.   And, boy, they are sizzling hot.  When I told the doc, she clapped her hands, and with a big smile told me that it means it is working!  YAY!

Anyway, about the shrinking tumor.  The doc reminded me that I had a good deal of swelling from the biopsy when she initially measured it, so while it does seem to be shrinking, she can't confirm it.  I haven't noticed any major shrinking since that last appointment.

The cancer has not spread into my bones, but osteoporosis did appear on the Bone Density test.  That explains why I'm nearly a full 2 inches shorter & why the kitchen cabinets are built higher than they use to be.

Since that last appointment I've had a dildo looking Endo-vaginal Ultrasound.  Oh, boy, that  was a dignity teaser.   It all looked good, but since I've been having post-menopausal bleeding, my Oncologist wants a consult with a GYN.   

Well, it's about 5:30  in the morning, and I ought to be in bed.   There's more to write about, I suppose, but this is it for now.

Snowflakes ...

Big fat snowflakes falling beautifully and melting as soon as they hit the ground.  

Happy and sad.

Or depending on how one might look at it, like, say, next March, it might be sad and happy.

But for now, I'm happy to see it!  

Oh, wow, is it ever coming down!

I am such a bad blogger ...

First things first:  Two months until Christmas!  Ho! Ho! Ho!

The whole idea of blogging is to write at least a few lines on a regular basis.  I get it; and even knowing this, I've been a bad, bad blogger.

There aren't any excuses to explain it away.  I think I already mentioned that I don't like to be the center of attention - which might make anyone ask why in the world I chose to blog? 

Good question.  Really, good question.  While I think some of it has to do with that, the other is I am in such a quandary.  I don't know where I am in life, and that confuses & puzzles me.  Everything just seems to be scattered.  I don't know how to explain it.  I don't think it's suppose to be explainable.  How can you make sense on anything that has so many open-ended questions?
 

Someone sent me a link to a breast cancer website, & I realize it was sent to me with good intentions; it ended up depressing me.  You  decide .   I have not read it.  I don't want to read it.

I meet with my oncologist tomorrow afternoon.  We scheduled my Vampire day at hematology just before the doctor's appointment.  Tomorrow I should learn about the bone density scan & see if the tumor is shrinking (I think it is).  I have a lot of questions.  I really like this doctor, & as much as I hate going to the doctor's, I'm looking forward to this visit.

I've been taking my cancer drug 29 days now.  I think the tumor is shrinking.  The tumor just may have moved around a little or maybe it's my imagination, but I am sure hoping to learn it is a little smaller.  Wouldn't that be great?  The biggest side effect I have with this drug so far, is the hot flashes.  I actually feel as if I'm sitting next to a furnace.  I do itch, and I've lost head hair, though my hair was thinning even before taking this drug.  But it does seem as if I'm losing more than I was before.  Who knows?  The hot flashes will come in handy this winter.

I have to hand it to my son.  He is with me for each of my appointments.  I am thankful for his support, but I worry about becoming a burden.  I have to eat before they Vampire my blood, so we'll have brunch out at the Cracker Barrel.  I'm hoping for pancakes & bacon. Mmmm ....   

Today is Vampire Tuesday ...

I'm scheduled for a Bone Density test today at 9:15.  From there, a quick stop at the doc's office to have blood labs drawn, then at 2pm -  just like last week, another 500mL of blood removed.  I hope it goes better than the last time.

Best part of today will be lunch out with my son.   

I keep forgetting to blog, I think of what I'd like to write, but then I get sidetracked and forget.  That's not good for the blog, is it?

Sock it to 'em, Tigers!

ACLS  Championship 

Game 1 - NYC

DETROIT TIGERS  vs New York Yankees

Friday, Sept. 30

8:37pm

It's a funny thing ...

It wasn't until we were driving home from the clinic yesterday when my son said the word 'terminal', that I got the first inkling what this all means. As the doctor was telling me I would be on medication for the rest of my life; talking about 2 years & possibly up to 10 years - all that was registering in my mind was "Yippee, no chemo!" No throwing up. No nausea. "Yippee!" Now, I understand the unusual look on her face when I said this was a blessing in disguise. "Pills instead of chemo." All along I've been a rational patient, taking notes, asking questions; and then the most seriously important information she could tell me, flew right over my head. Maybe that's why the nurse later gave me a big hug. Mentally & emotionally, I'm fine. At least I think I am.   (I wrote the above to my friends on another website.  But the car ride is so profound to me that I feel it's important to include it here.  I think there's more to write about when reality hit me during & after that car ride, but that's for later.) I've slept only about an hour since 6am, yesterday (Tuesday).  I was too keyed up to sleep last night, & even during the day today.  I've got the Tiger game on now & am ready to relax.)

Mystery is a speedbump ...

I'm going to keep this brief because I'm still trying to wrap my head around this.

They found from testing last week, that I have Metastatic Breast Cancer.  It is incurable. 

Chemotherapy & radiation are out, for now, at least.  I've already started on treatment, which is hormonal therapy.  (I took my first dose after dinner, at 7:17pm.)  The hope is this will begin to shrink the breast tumor.  Whether it does or does not, there are other courses of treatment that can be prescribed.

Also, my blood is very thick - Polycythemia.  I have to go weekly to have blood drawn - the nurse removed 500mL today.  It was so thick that my blood stopped flowing through the first tube & she had to start again with another vein.  Some of the blood is being sent to the Mayo Clinic for testing.

From the ECHO test - my heart is good & strong.

When I get my wits together, I'll blog further.  My brain is exhausted.

Off to a crossword puzzle & watch a little TV ...

My adventure has a mystery ...

FFS, I've never been an alarmist, so I'm just going to refer to the doctor's  call today as my adventure's great mystery.

Now, I feel better.  Sorta helps take the knots out of my tummy. 

Dunno what to think ...

Looks like my first chemotherapy treatment tomorrow is canceled.  

My oncologist left a couple of troubling messages this morning.  After reviewing my Echo & Cat Scan results, she canceled the chemo.  Doc said she'd be out of the office the rest of the day, but wanted to see me this week to discuss the chemo schedule & change in treatment.

Seven minutes later she called again, telling me to come into the Out Patient clinic tomorrow morning, as planned, & she would talk to me there.

I dunno what to think.  This certainly throws a monkey wrench into my psyche.  As crazy as it sounds, I was finally looking forward to tomorrow's chemo - you know, to get the show on the road.  Toward recovery.

Why can't things be more simple?  

I find myself diagnosed with breast cancer, but the surgeon says it's baseball size is too big to safely remove surgically.  He sent me to the oncologist for consult & to also begin chemotherapy.  This is called neoadjuvant therapy, or treatment given before the primary therapy, which is the surgery.  The chemo would shrink the tumor for safe removal.

Both the surgeon & the oncologist were concerned the cancer may already be in other parts of my body.  This past Friday, I had the Echo, Cat Scan & a Body Scan.  I suppose their results are not good news.  What else can I think?

I feel so lost & lonely.  No one to talk to about this.  My son isn't prepared to discuss it.  I know he's concerned, but what can he do but tell me to hang in there.  

In my life, nothing has come simple.  There's always a twist.  A monkey wrench.  I truly believed I earned to live through my golden years in the most peaceful & simplistic way as possible.  I finally was beginning to accept the cancer, but now, I don't know what I'm expected to accept tomorrow. 

My adventure ...

 

I woke up this morning thinking it was Monday, and immediately went into a panicked spin.  I didn't want it to be Monday. Not yet.  Once I turned the TV on & saw 'Meet The Press', well, of course that meant it was Sunday. What relief. 

Tuesday, the 27th, I start my first regiment of Chemotherapy. 

I'm hoping this blog will help me through this new adventure, because I don't know what to do with my thoughts as I think them.  Outwardly, I've been stoic.  Inwardly, I'm a mess.  Is it possible to be a stoic mess?  Or a messy stoic?

I recently was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It's grown to about the size of a baseball, & the doctors wonder if there isn't cancer elsewhere.  This past Friday, my oncologist sent me in for an Echo, CT Scan, & a Bone Scan.  I suppose I'll learn something new from these tests this week.

So here I am, late Sunday night, & unsure of what to write.  I don't like being the center of attention.  I'm the one who prefers to sit in the background quietly soaking it all in. 

Maybe all I need to do is get this initial post out of the way, & the next one will be easier.