It wasn't until we were driving home from the clinic yesterday when my son said the word 'terminal', that I got the first inkling what this all means. As the doctor was telling me I would be on medication for the rest of my life; talking about 2 years & possibly up to 10 years - all that was registering in my mind was "Yippee, no chemo!" No throwing up. No nausea. "Yippee!" Now, I understand the unusual look on her face when I said this was a blessing in disguise. "Pills instead of chemo." All along I've been a rational patient, taking notes, asking questions; and then the most seriously important information she could tell me, flew right over my head. Maybe that's why the nurse later gave me a big hug. Mentally & emotionally, I'm fine. At least I think I am. (I wrote the above to my friends on another website. But the car ride is so profound to me that I feel it's important to include it here. I think there's more to write about when reality hit me during & after that car ride, but that's for later.) I've slept only about an hour since 6am, yesterday (Tuesday). I was too keyed up to sleep last night, & even during the day today. I've got the Tiger game on now & am ready to relax.) |
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